Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
