What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
