...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
