i wish my penis had a tongue
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
