The maid of honor just puked.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
