we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
