Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
