:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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