2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
