Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
