Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
