How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
