I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
