haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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