My room smells like vodka and shame
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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