Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
