sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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