Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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