I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
