i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
