meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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