singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
