and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
