new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
