oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
