Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
