I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
