So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
