You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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