Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
