Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
