I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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