so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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