i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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