it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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