And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
