Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
