she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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