i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
