I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
