Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
