i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
