All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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