How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
