sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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