This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
