Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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