In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
