I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
