He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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