He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I cut my penus on the lid.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
